


Bloody Beer

by MrProphet



Series: Mythic Noir [3]
Category: Ancient Egyptian Religion
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 15:03:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10699461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrProphet/pseuds/MrProphet





	Bloody Beer

So back in the day, the Old Man has this daughter, Sekhmet, and she is one fierce bitch; I'm talking old school. When this girl feels the need to lesson you, you know you've been lessoned, and she is like teacher of the year. Got a temper on her? I should coco.

So one day, Old Man Ra is looking down at all the little people crawling around in the Khemet and drinking and fucking and stabbing each other up and all manner of sinful shit, and acting like they're all too good to worship the Old Man, and he is righteous in his rage. "What the shit did I do to deserve such disrespect?" He's thinking and the answer comes: "I was too damned soft on the little maggots." So he gives Sekhmet the whistle and says: "Right, kid. All that stuff about how you need to calm your shit down? Forget it. Go mad."

And Sekhmet is like, "it's Christmas and all my birthdays, because I have been itching to get my fangs red. So she goes out onto the Khemet and finds a human and she bites him in half. Then his wife is all, "you bit my husband in half," and Sekhmet is "Damn right" and she bite the wife in half, then she snaps open their house and sticks her head through the hole and snap-snap-snap, that's all for the kiddies.

Now Sekhmet's got blood in her throat and in her nose and she is " _Damn_  this taste is fine." So she laps the blood off the ground and out of the wounds and she thinks "Man oh man I have got to get me some more of this," and she's off for the next house, and the next, and pretty soon there's nothing left of the town but dried up sacks of meat and still Sekhmet's itching for more.

A week goes by and Sekhmet gets up to some vicious shit. Martin Scorcese is like, "Dude, the fuck?" She's halfway up the Khemet to the delta and there's so much blood spilled that you can't tell the black land from the red, and since it's been a few days the Old Man's cooled off a little and he looks out and says: "The shit is this?"

So he gets out his phone and flips through the numbers and he calls up Thoth, who's a bit of a fucking nerd but as smart as they come. And he says "Thoth; I think I may have fucked up a little." And Thoth is all 'no shit', but it's the Old Man so he says "I'll see what I can do."

Now Thoth knows that in a fight Sekhmet'll go through him like Superman through Lois Lane, so he has a ponder and he rounds up some people and he tells them to dig a hole.

Then he gets some beer, and when I say some beer I mean like  _all_  the beer. He pours it all in the hole and mixes it with red clay so it's all red, and when Sekhmet comes roaring up she's all "Man, that is like a serious bucket of blood and I have a fucking thirst on me."

And by now she's got the jones for this blood real bad; it's like an itch she can't scratch and so she sticks her head in that pit and drinks and drinks and drinks so fast that by the time she can say "This blood is full of grit and it tastes like fucking fat bloke's socks, and by the way what happened to my knees," she is tanked like a bride-to-be in a sparkly pink cowboy hat and goes down just as easy.

Weirdest thing, she wakes up and instead of a hangover she's all sweetness and light and "call me Bast", and from that day on she's like a total fucking pussy.

But you know what; I ain't liking to be the one to push her.


End file.
